Goals

http://www.dilbert.com/strips/comic/2011-11-16/

          Every year Conception College has the seminarians formulate spiritual, academic, apostolic, stewardship, and character goals. This year I had a little trouble with mine so I decided to brainstorm. Here is the result:

I am thankful for...

               Instead of doing all the things that I should have done today, I decided that I would create a list of 100 things that I am thankful for. This sounds quite easy, but it must be differentiated from a list of things I should be thankful for. And although many things will be the same, I am not going to copy and paste from old lists of mine. Also I would like to specify that this is not a ‘top 100 list’, but a ‘first thing that comes to mind in no particular order list’.

1.  Last night   2.The change in seasons  3. Days with no wind  4.Old girlfriends  5.My computer  6.My family  7.Horizontal sunlight  8.The smell of suntan lotion  9. Financial support of the Archdiocese  10. Bleach  11.The smell of lemons  12.Good food  13. Not having to worry about food  14. My car  15. My guitar  16.Music  17. Air conditioning  18.Not having to pay utilities  19.My cell phone  20.The internet   21.Alcohol     22.Trees  23.Crunchy leaves  24.Swimming  25.Friends  26.Indoor plumbing  27.Artificial light  28.Video games  29.Having a body that works  30.Soap  31.Snow  32. Fresh baked bread  33. Elevators  34. Post it notes  35.Flash drives  36. Freedom of speech  37. Jesus  38. The smell of crayons  39. Electricity  40.Glass  41. Rain  42. Ice  43.Soda  44.Sacrament of Penance  45.My woodworking tools  46.Duct tape  47.Sharp knives  48.Blue jeans  49.Well-polished shoes  50.Good parents  51.My family’s health  52.My I-pod  53.Warm clothes  54.The ocean  55.The Bible  56.Cookbooks  57.Not being a girl  58.Paintball  59.   Laughter  60.My sound system  61.Emotion  62.Freedom of will  63.My Kindle  64.My camera  65.Hunger  66.Thirst  67.The changing color of leaves  68.Flat land  69.Mountains  70.Redheads  71.Wonder of the universe  72.Being able to own firearms  73.Clouds  74.Sidewalks  75.Extension cords  76.Letters  77.   Facebook  78.Good spiritual reading  79.Being able to read  80.Being able to write  81.Fiction  82.Smiling  83.Good roads  84.Not having to farm  85.Not having to ranch  86.Sensible philosophy  87.Being Loved  88.Good artwork  89.Desire  90.Green grass  91.Wheat fields  92. Having good work  93. Feeling accomplished  94. Privacy  95. Being able to cook  96.Breath mints  97. Chocolate  98. Good boots  99. Getting to go to Europe 100. Every person who reads this

Bad Content and Discontent

               At the risk of causing scandal, I would say that I am not a happy person. I am an analytic and hyper-critical person, and this  tends to quash out any semblance of enjoyment in my life. I am dissatisfied with my own shortcomings more than I am with the shortcomings of other people. Here I seriously considered quoting Vanilla Ice in saying that “Anything less than the very best is a felony”, but for your sake and the sake of my public image, I will not do such a thing.

               My blog is a prime example of my discontent. I am dissatisfied with every single post thus far. At this point I have written a good half dozen more articles that I have not posted. I often get something typed up, proofread, and ready to post, but don’t actually do it for one reason or another. Most of the time, the post is nothing brilliant, and brilliance is what I strive after.

               Yet I think that failure to accept mediocrity is exactly why so many people, myself included, are unhappy. Please forgive me for the religious side-note, but I must say

               … I do not think it sinful to hope for great things in life. The God has filled the world with wonderful things. After all, he is God! I think the sin exists in not enjoying what we have when we have so much.  Also one should not feel entitled to the goodness in life, but realize that everything is a grace…

               I find myself incredibly irritated at the fact that I do not enjoy an event or joke as much as the next person, and I often wonder why. For example, I can write a list of 100 things that I should be thankful for, but feel very little appreciation for those things

               To end I would like to say that I am not unhappy with my life because it is terrible, but because I so very much desire beauty, wonder, joy, and laughter, and I feel this lacking. At its heart, I think that desire is a great thing. 

A Few Concerns

          I am new to blogging, and as such, there are a couple of things that are troubling me. First, I do not have a target audience. My objective is to dispel some of the misconceptions that people have of seminarians. Since pretty much everybody has some idea of what a Catholic seminarian is, pretty much everybody is included in my audience.
          One rule for effective speaking -I presume it applies to blogs as well- is that the subject matter must be narrow in scope. Bloggers typically examine life through the lens of some hobby such as cooking. I don’t really have any hobbies here. I am too busy studying philosophy. Looking at the world through religion or philosophy, would expand the subject instead of limiting it. I would hate for the subject to be me. For one, I am not that interesting. Secondly, I hold the opinion that blogging about yourself is quite narcissistic. I would try to blog about my relationship with Christ within the framework of the seminary, but by talking about God, I run the risk of sounding like a religious nut. And if there is one thing I hate worse than a walnut, it is a religious nut. This is ironic because a religious nut is exactly what I am. Yet I am so much more than that.
          All these concerns get me no closer to an acceptable answer. Philosophy often leads you into such traps that any action you perform goes against logic. When this happens, one must go ahead and act regardless of reason. Likewise, I will go ahead and write. Perhaps later I will find a focus and direction. For now, I would advise the reader to simply skip a blog post that does not apply to them. As much as I would like to, I cannot write to everyone.

Shiny Shoes and Sidewalk Chalk

            This weekend was an off-campus weekend here at Conception Seminary College. The administration strongly encourages the students to get away and take a break. As it happens, this weekend was both my niece’s and my mother’s birthday. As a result, I found myself traveling the 450 miles down to Edmond Oklahoma.

            It was good to be around my family again, and it was especially enjoyable to see my two nieces. Getting to play with them reminded me of how much of a child I still am. While everyone else busied themselves with football and photographs, I found myself very engrossed in sidewalk chalking with my older niece. I accidently covered my pants in rainbow colored chalk, and I found that this splash of pigment contrasted nicely with my polished dress shoes.

            In a way, this contrasts sums up how I feel about my life. If the priesthood is my vocation, I am undertaking an enormous responsibility. In my head, the priesthood seems like a life of polished shoes, where everything is lined away, everything is figured out, mannered, and respectable. Yet, more and more I realize that I am just a child. I have nothing figured out. I’m irresponsible, carefree, and immature.

            I find that a lot of my qualities would impair a successful priesthood. I’m sure that I will grow out of my immaturity, but I know that I have a long ways to go. A great deal of life is being ok with who you are. Loving what is perfect is easy. Loving yourself, your spouse, or your kids is what is difficult. Yet for as messed up as everything is, things really are nice.  Right now, the shoes that I’m wearing are scuffed and covered in chalk, and yet somehow, that is just fine.

Introductions

               I have never viewed myself as the blogging type. Paradoxically, I still do not view myself as the blogging type. I have a dozen or so friends with blogs, but I do not follow any of them. The more and more I examine why I decided to start blogging, the less and less I am sure of it. Simply put, I have no idea what I am doing here.

               I have never viewed myself as the seminarian type. Although I am a Catholic seminarian for the Archdiocese of Oklahoma City, I still have trouble seeing myself as such. I have a bunch of friends who are priests and seminarians, but I do not follow them, and the more and more I examine why I started doing this, the less and less I am sure of anything at all.

               It greatly bothers me how very few people personally know priests, religious, and seminarians. I fear that people have an unrealistic idea of what seminarians are like. The purpose of this blog is to give the reader a view into the life and mind of a seminarian. I hope that you find my life as enjoyable as I do.