Life outside the seminary is quite different than what I am accustomed to. This difference is best exemplified in the differing kinds of work I do. For the past three weeks I have been working with a local contractor and developer. At seminary, it was my job to study and to pray. Now, I find myself climbing ladders and driving nails.
I enjoy being physically tired when I go to bed. At school there was emotional and mental exhaustion. It is odd for me not being required to really think. There is a big difference between thinking about where to put screws and pondering the logic of circular reasoning. Lately, I haven’t had a lot of time for such philosophic ventures, and as a result have not been reading, writing, or posting blogs. I have plenty of topics to blog about, but actually formulating how to effectively communicate those ideas is what takes time and effort
Work at the seminary was interesting because it was constantly busy with a whole host of classes, meetings, and seminars. Outside school I am even busier, but since all of my time is consumed with one job, things feel a lot less hectic. Things are simple now. I try to enjoy that because I know that simplicity won’t last.
I recently had a short conversation with a young man who was in a very similar position. He left his respective ministry to come home and recollect himself. He said that as hard as the move was, he found it meaningful because he had more time to focus on his relationship with God. I found this quite funny and incredibly ironic because this is the exact thing that I am not doing.
Allow me to explain…
For the past 3 years I have scrutinized my relationship with the divine. I have attempted to climb Jacobs latter through many and various ways. Now, for the time being, I find that I no longer need to do this. Now is a time for me to experience God in new and different ways. In seminary I attempted to take my relationship with God and make my life meaningful. I think this thinking is backwards. Instead, I think I need to draw meaning from the life I love and cherish and apply that meaning to my relationship with God.
At school I believed that one could be spiritual regardless of the job he or she held. I do still believe this, but I now realize how wildly different spiritualties can be. Some people pray more intellectually, others emotionally, others contemplatively, others pray through their work, others through their relationships. Instead of finding God through rationality, theology, and liturgy, I think that I will be better off enjoying fog banks, sawdust swirls, and peanut butter M&M’s.
… and any plan with peanut butter M&M’s is a good plan.
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