Past due

               This is a post that was written well over a month ago, and although it came from a different context, I think it is still applicable.

               I never felt I was called to the priesthood specifically. I know that I am called to some sort of ministry and, and the priesthood may be that ministry. Above all else, I discerned a call to the seminary. It was a call to grow, to discern, to climb out of love, and to fall back in love.

               I have long held this call to be a blessing. If God called me directly to the priesthood, I would freak out and reject him altogether. My call is a great reminder that God meets us where we are and not where we should be.

               I recently had a revelation. For a while, I have known that I dislike seminary formation. Many seminarians can endure such formation in order to obtain the prize of ordination. Somehow we think that being a priest will make our lives enjoyable. Since I do not know if I want to be a priest, and I do not have some great burning positive desire for ordination, I am in a pickle. Basically it reduces down to one simple fact: I dislike my vocation.

               This would cause me great distress,-and often does- except I have great hope for the future. I am learning and growing. I think I am like a child who is learning to eat solid food. I can’t enjoy it at first, but will learn to relish it infinitely more than what I had before. I take life with a dose of hope: Someday I will like it. I look forward to that day.