To be short, -which I am- I must say that I am no longer a seminarian. If I want to sound important or be otherwise tactful, I would say that ‘At this time, the decision has been made to discontinue priestly formation’. Of course, this does not mean that I may never return to the seminary.
Conception Seminary and the Archdiocese of Oklahoma city relieved me of having to make this decision on my own. Part of being a seminarian is doing what the authorities of the church tell you. I fully ascent to this course of action, and do not resent it in any way.
My immediate reaction was shock. I had all my things packed in my car, gas money in my pocket, and had already driven 300 miles. A whole wave of other emotions flooded me: anger, disappointment, sadness, excitement. Above all these was a sense of relief. This relief provided me with the peace that this was God’s will which I had so eagerly been seeking.
The reasons for me not returning to Seminary are very simple, yet difficult to adequately explain. For quite some time now, I have been struggling with a serious bout of depression. It is no secret that I found seminarian formation to be quite wearisome. The Seminarian formators concluded that a great deal of my depression, if not its entirety, was caused by activities that were integral to priestly formation. As a result, the formators concluded that it would not only be good for my general temperament, but my spirituality if I were to leave the seminary at this time. If it turns out that my depression is not caused by the rigors of discernment and formation, they offered to be of whatever assistance they can be to get me to a place of greater peace.
The fact that I so abruptly changed the direction of life, both creates and dispels a myriad of problems, emotions, and discussions, but all that will have to wait for later.
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